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Season 3 Episode 13

Thank you for downloading this episode.

👉The story begins at 02:40 and the tiny lessons begin at 15:10

👉You can find the transcript after the Credits!

👉Visit our website to download the Podcast User's Manual and find out more! https://alittleenglish.com/

A Little English is written, produced, recorded, edited, mixed, mastered and scored by Edward Cooper Howland.

All stories are either in the public domain, or written by me.

Copyright 2024 Edward Cooper Howland

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TRANSCRIPT:

 Hi. My name is Cooper, and this is…A Little English. Every episode, I read a short story. After the story, there are three tiny lessons. 

So, let’s start with some notes! I got some feedback on the last episode. First of all, I made a mistake with someone’s name, which made the whole story very hard to understand. Sorry! I fixed it now. Second, I’ve heard that sometimes it’s hard to know when we have changed scenes. So I have made up a new sound. It sounds like this: (ping) That’s how you know that some time has passed between the last scene and the new one. 

Now! This is a story about Dungeons and Dragons, or DnD. Do you know what that is? Do you play? I do. But if you don’t, don’t worry. The story’s not really about playing the game. Just go watch the first episode of Stranger Things and you’ll understand everything you need to. It’s more about what it means to be a nerd. Because, well, that has changed a lot over the years. These days, being a nerd is cool. But when I was a kid, it really, really wasn’t. And there are still a lot of people who are pretty upset about those old days and…well, I’m giving away the ending. So, let’s just listen! 

This story is named after my favorite episode of the TV show Community: It’s called….Advanced Dungeons and Dragons!

“If Alexander doesn’t get here in the next ten seconds, we’re starting without him,” said Frankie. The kids around the table all nodded. 

“Three, two, one. OK, screw him. Let’s go around the table and introduce our characters. Babe?”

Mandy looked up from her phone and said, “I’m, uh, Kai Highfeather, a wood elf wizard.”

“Cool! Corey?”

Lonnegan said “My name is Bimble Bogwater. I’m a halfling sorcerer.“ He stopped and stared at the floor as everyone started laughing. 

“A halfling?” gasped Finn. “You’re a halfling?” 

“What’s funny about that?” 

“Dude, you’re like, eight feet tall. Why don’t you play an orc?”

Lonnegan’s face turned red. “I dunno, I thought that like, the whole point of the game is we can be anything.”

Frankie put out his hands. “You guys. You guys! Come on! Let him be a halfling. If he-“ and now he was interrupted by the sound of the door banging open. 

Everyone looked up the stairs to see Alexander standing in the doorway. His face was bright red and he was completely out of breath. He was holding a large book to his chest. 

“YOOOOO!” He shouted. “You guys gotta see this. You GOTTA see this.” He jumped down the stairs two at a time, and slammed the book onto the table. Dice and pencils fell on the floor.

“Dude, calm down!” said Frankie.

“Don’t worry about that, dude. Look at this.” He pulled the book open and showed it to everyone. It was a photo of three boys, posing in the school library. This was their high school library! But the fashion was all wrong. It was at least twenty years ago. The kids in the photo were holding up books with dragons and wizards on them. 

“The names,” said Alexander. “Look at the names.”

They all leaned in to stare at the tiny names under the picture. 

Samuel Lewis

“Dude,” whispered Frankie. “Your dad…was the leader of the high school Dungeons and Dragons club?

———

The next day, Frankie stayed at school after the last bell. He walked down the long, boring hallways to the faculty area, and found Mr. Lewis’ office. He knocked politely on the door. 

“Come in.”

Mr. Lewis was at his desk, grading papers. 

“Oh, young Mister Gallagher. What can I do for you today?”

“Well, actually, I had a question for you, Mr. Lewis. See, um, Alexander and I, we’re in a kind of gaming group together, and uh, well, he found this yearbook, in the library, from 1999.”

Mr. Lewis put his pencil down. “Yes?”

“Well, uh yeah. So, it says that you were in the DnD club all four years of high school. Like, at this high school.”

Mr. Lewis leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “And?”

“And…is it true? Were you a gamer?” 

Mr. Lewis winced and breathed in sharply at that word. 

“Back in the nineties, Mister Gallagher, a ‘gamer’ was not something you wanted to be.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My friends and I got beaten up almost every day for playing games. ”

“Like, bullied?”

“Yes. In the nineties, the kids who were into computers, or comic books, or theater were outcasts. Freaks! We were afraid of athletes like you. You would lock us in our lockers or stuff us into trash cans! And oh my god, if anybody ever found out that a baseball star like Frankie Gallagher was playing Dungeons and Dragons?? It would be an enormous scandal!”

Frankie just stared at him. 

“So, Mister Lewis, Alexander and I were kind of wondering…if we started a DnD club, here at school, next year, would you be our faculty sponsor?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t mind that Alexander wants to play. That’s his business. But I have spent the last twenty years building up a reputation as a serious educator and a serious person around this school. Dungeons and Dragons is not a serious activity. Games are just…for fun.”

Frankie tried to object. “Mr. Lewis, things are different now. There are people whose whole job is just playing DnD on YouTube. It’s cool to play DnD! And we have a lot of fun playing with your son. He’s a really good player! He’s the cleric, and we can always count on him to heal us when we do something stupid. He’s a really good kid, sir.”

Mr. Lewis frowned at Frankie. “I’m afraid I’m very busy, Mr. Gallagher. Say hello to your brother for me.”

Frankie closed the door quietly behind him as he left.

——

“OK,” said Frankie. “Welcome back to Dungeons and Dragons! Does anyone want to remind us what happened last week?”

Lonnegan said, “Alexander found out that his dad used to play DnD in the 90’s, and so you asked his dad to sponsor our club for next year, but he said no.”

Alexander sank further into his seat. He looked like he was going to cry.

Frankie put his head in his hands.

“Damnit Corey, not that. I meant in the game.”

“Oh. Sorry, Frankie. Well, we went to the fairy lands and we agreed to find a magic sword for the Queen of Summer, but then we got attacked by a bunch of mimics disguised as cute teddy bears. Finn and Mandy and I were almost killed, but Alexander managed to save us by casting Mass Healing Word. Then the whole army of evil teddy bears turned towards Alexander and jumped on him. He was going to roll for-“

Again the door at the top of the stairs banged open. 

There, standing in the light from the kitchen, was Mr. Lewis. He was holding at least a dozen books in his arms, his hair was a mess and he had a huge smile on his face. 

“What edition do you kids play?”

Alexander stood up out of his chair. “Fifth edition,” he said. “They haven’t released the new one yet.”

Mr. Lewis walked carefully down the stairs. “Get rid of that crap! I’m gonna teach you about the real deal! Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. You kids wanna learn about DnD, I’m gonna teach you how to really play!”

The kids quickly cleared the table off. Mr. Lewis dropped the huge stack of books on the table, turned to his son and said, “Alexander, tell me about your character."

So, I think you should know something. Aside from Frankie, every single person in this story is someone we’ve met before. We have sort of finished the first act of Forty Stories. We’ve met almost all of the characters. Now, I’m gonna start revealing how they all know each other, and how they are related to each other. So if you want to try and keep up, go back to some old episodes and try to figure out who is who. They’re all in there somewhere. If they haven’t been a main character yet, they will be!

Let’s do some tiny lessons!

For the big picture tonight, let’s talk about nerds. Specifically, I want you to answer, why does Sam, Mr. Lewis, hate being a nerd or a gamer so much? Go back and check. I think he has a lot of shame from his time in high school. That happens to people. When you hear again and again that you should feel bad about who you are, even if you hear it from bad people, you kind of start to believe it. So let me tell you: never be ashamed of who you are!

How about the Dictionary Disco? 

The first word for tonight is: wince. You know when you’re really embarrased? Or when you have a really bad headache? You know that face you make? Where you close your eyes and kind of squish your whole face together? That’s a wince. You’re…wincing.

And the second vocabulary word is: faculty. The faculty at a school are the staff members who teach there. And the faculty area is the place where they can hang out and drink coffee, or have their offices. I’m the faculty at my university. Very fancy!

And finally, let’s share a melody moment. I love this phrase: “back in the nineties” I’ll say it again. Back in the nineties. (sounds) You hear that? There’s intonation there. But listen to that “in the’ It’s not Back. In. The. Nineties. It’s BackunthuhNinedies. IN? No. un. THEEE? Noooo. Thuh. NineTies? Nooooooooo. That’s a D sound. NineDies. Why? Like always, it’s because it’s easier to say. So try it. Say “Back in the Nineties.” but say it……Melodically. 

Let’s do the credits. 

Thank you for listening to Season 3 Episode 13(!) of A Little English. 

Every episode is produced entirely by me, Edward Cooper Howland, here in Chiba, Japan. 

If you like the show, tell someone about it! A recommendation from a friend is the best way to get someone to listen, and I would really appreciate it. 

This season, all the stories are written by…me! I use chatGPT by Openai.com as an editor because I can’t afford to hire a human. It’s an amazing, free piece of software, and you should check it out. 

Again, thank you  so much for listening.

For now, be kind to yourselves, and to each other.